Here we are, back at the showcase of the immortals. WrestleMania 2 is a weird ass show. It’s widely considered one of the worst WrestleMania’s. While there are one match WrestleMania’s like 25, 27, and 29, long and drawn out WrestleMania’s like 32, 33, 34, and 35, the disappointing attitude era WrestleMania’s, the hilarious WrestleMania 9, and the weird as fuck CovidMania, WrestleMania 2 is just sort of weird and bad. Now there are some decent matches, but as a whole it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel grand and it doesn’t live up to it’s potential as the biggest show of the year. There’s also the decision to try and one up the NWA. As you might recall, Starrcade 1985 was broadcast from 2 venues. This was a little weird but it was paced in a logical way, switching back and forth between venues. WrestleMania 2 is broadcast from 3 different cities. Why would you ever do this if you’re Vince McMahon? You can only be at one location for your companies biggest show of the year. Instead of switching back and forth, this show does everything in chunks. So we get 4 matches in New York, 4 in Chicago, and 4 in Los Angeles. This is very messy and I feel bad for the live crowds. See, for the live crowds they had to watch the broadcasts from the other venues on these big screens. So you basically spent this money to watch 2 hours of wrestling on a screen and 1 hour live. Is that worth it to see Roddy Piper box Mr. T? No, it’s not. This is a long ass intro and it’s 11:40 PM and I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow so get comfy in those nose bleeds, it’s time to talk about WrestleMania 2!

Vince intros us from New York with his broadcast colleague, actress Susan St. James. She sure does know nothing about wrestling. Ray Charles sings “America the beautiful”

We get an odd promo/interview with Roddy Piper, Lou Duva, and Bob Orton. Lou is very bad at talking but it’s nothing compared to the insane shit Piper says here. Piper claims if he doesn’t beat Mr. T in a boxing match tonight that he will quit wrestling and also quit girls. But he will NOT quit Bob Orton. Is Roddy Piper Randy Orton’s other parent? Piper then says some racist stuff about Mr. T’s mohawk and says “I won’t paint myself black” yeah, just wait until WrestleMania 6.

Time for the start of our New York section. See, that makes it sound like a video game and I like that.

Match #1- The Magnificent Muraco/w Mr. Fuji vs “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff

This is Muraco’s 1st WrestleMania and Orndorff’s 2nd. What an odd match to put here considering Steamboat was feuding with Muraco. This is a pretty bad match to start things off. We get these weird pre match interviews playing over the start that are absolutely nothing and take away from the match itself. Vince sucks at commentary as always and Susan just doesn’t fit here. There’s also weird racism here. You won’t find this on Peacock, but when this match happened Orndorff did a racist gesture with his eyes at Mr. Fuji. Wow, what a babyface. If that’s not awful enough Vince claims Fuji is teaching Muraco “Ancient Chinese tactics” come on, man. There’s some working on the arms and then both men get counted out like it’s a Jim Duggan match. Orndorff picks up an open chair and then that’s it. This is an awful way to start a show. The fans literally chanted “bullshit”

Backstage Mr. T says he doesn’t want to talk, but he’ll hit every part of Piper tonight. During this you can literally hear Howard Finkel announcing the double count out.

Match #2- Intercontinental Championship: “Macho Man” Randy Savage/w Miss Elizabeth vs George “The Animal” Steele

This is your IC title feud for Mania? Look, I love me some George Steele but this is not IC title at WrestleMania worthy. The story here is that Savage is mean to his manager and girlfriend, Miss Elizabeth. George Steele is a strange but nice man who like Elizabeth. This is both men’s 1st Mania match. Susan St. James fucking loves George Steele and this is her best work of the night. Savage starts things hot before both men stall, just like their last match. This is a very bite heavy match. Steele wants to have Savage for dinner and Susan says “Eat his leg, George!” Hell yeah, Susan! Eventually Steele hits Savage with some flowers, which get everywhere and then he eats the turnbuckle pad mid match. This is way cooler than when Jey Uso does his entrance mid match. Why don’t you Yeet a turnbuckle pad? That’s dumb. Anyways, the ring is covered in flowers and stuffing from the pad. Steele decides he wants to feed the stuffing to Savage for some reason. Savage of course responds with a lovely axe handle and his signature elbow drop off the top, which Steele…kicks out of? That’s an odd choice. Then like 2 seconds later Savage uses the ropes to pin Steele. What was the point of the kick out? I love Randy Savage but he could not save this very lame match. I don’t like it when the ring gets covered in stuff like stuffing and lowers. It looks messy in a way that I find annoying.

Mean Gene is in Chicago with Big John Studd and Bill Fralic of the Atlanta Falcons. They’re both ready for the NFL vs WWF battle royal and start weirdly slapping at each other before Studd tries to squish a football. Little does he know that football’s don’t hold grudges. Back in New York, Vince and Susan are talking about snakes and how scary they are. I wonder who’s wrestling next?

Match #3- George Wells vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts

This is a fascinating squash match. This is literally all Wells. He looks great here and he’s clearly a really solid athlete. He spends 3 minutes giving it to Roberts before Roberts hits him with the DDT for the win. This is the WrestleMania debut for both men and Wells of course gets covered by Damien, the snake that Roberts brings to the ring with him. This causes Wells to start foaming at the mouth. Did the snake bite him? Why would this happen? George Wells isn’t super well known but he was clearly a good worker and it’s great to get to talk about Jake Roberts even if all he did was do a DDT and take out his snake.

In Los Angeles, Jesse Ventura is interviewing Hulk Hogan. Hogan complains about all the heels. Next to Ventura, it really exposes how lame Hogan is. Just saying.

Back in New York, Howard Finkel introduces Joan Rivers to introduce the judges for the boxing match. We have American Jazz musician Cab Calloway, NBA Star Darryl Dawkins, and to round things out G. Gordon Liddy. Wait…What?! The Watergate guy? What the fuck is he doing at WrestleMania? This is dude who sang the Nazi party anthem when he arrived to serve his sentence? Read up on this guy, he’s a fucking piece of shit. I’m shocked they didn’t have him at the same venue as Hulk Hogan. This dude literally made plans to kidnap pro war protestors and send them to Mexico. Vince is a monster and a piece of shit so I’m not shocked he would bring this dumb, bald bitch into the WWF for a meaningless appearance. The special guest ring announcer is Herb, which I guess is an 80’s thing. Feel free to educate me but I do not fucking care I’m still mad that this fucking Watergate guy is here.

Match #4- Boxing Match- “Rowdy” Roddy Piper/w Lou Duva and Bob Orton vs Mr. T/w Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid

Look, I do not know boxing so I don’t know if this is any good. But this is the 2nd Mania for both men, the 2nd against each other, the main event of the New York portion of the evening, and a waste of time. Mr. T is a brave babyface, Piper is a dastardly heel who takes cheap shots. Piper bodyslams Mr. T and gets DQ’d so it was all pointless. No satisfaction in Piper getting knocked out and no heat with Mr. T getting knocked out. I mean Mr. T was never going to let that happen but you get what I mean. Didn’t care for this. Can I have some wrestling please?

Vince and Susan send us off to Chicago with Gorilla Monsoon, Mean Gene, and Cathy Lee Crosby. I don’t know much about Cathy Lee, but I don’t really remember her commentary.

Match #5- WWF Women’s Championship- Velvet McIntyre vs The Fabulous Moolah

Oh, fuck me. First of all, no, that is not Drew McIntyre’s mom. This is both women’s first WrestleMania match. If you’re wondering where Wendi Richter is, she is no longer with the company. See, Richter wasn’t happy with her pay under her current contract and Vince didn’t want to compensate her fairly so he orchestrated the original screw job to strip her of the belt. Basically, he had Fabulous Moolah in a mask pin Richter for real to win the belt. This is real by the way. She didn’t know it was Moolah or that this was happening. And afterwards, she never spoke to Moolah again which is good because she is an awful person. I just wanted to give some context because fuck Moolah and fuck Vince. This match that I should be talking about is 1 minute long and is sloppy as fuck because Moolah is a terrible wrestler. She does retain her belt here. Fuck this.

Between matches Mean Gene makes a joke about Cathy Lee dating NFL players and she says she’s team WWF. Alright.

Match #6- Flag Match- Corporal Kirchner vs Nikolai Volkoff/w “Classie” Freddie Blassie

This is Kirchner’s 1st WrestleMania and Volkoff’s 2nd. Also, this is the type of flag match where it’s just a normal match and then you can wave your countries flag. It’s not one where you grab the flag. How is this match even happening? They had a peace match. Volkoff continues to be more athletic then you remember him to be, Kirchner has awful looking punches, and then our American babyface uses Freddie Blassie’s cane to cheat to win. Stop wasting my time.

Match #7- NFL vs WWF Battle Royal

This is the first battle royal I’ve had to review here. That should be easy! The rules are simple, you can only be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope with both feet landing on the floor. Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones are here as special referees. Before we get into the action lets break down the participants. Jimbo Covert from the Chicago Bears in his 1st Mania, King Tonga of The Bloodline in his 1st Mania, Ernie Holmes of the Pittsburgh Steelers in his 1st Mania, “Jumpin” Jim Brunzell in his 1st Mania, Tony Atlas in his 1st Mania, Pedro Morales in his 1st Mania, Harvey Martin of the Dallas Cowboys in his 1st Mania, Ted Arcidi in his 1st Mania, Dan Spivey looking like a mini Hulk Hogan in his 1st Mania, Hillbilly Jim in his 1st Mania, B. Brian Blair in his 1st Mania, Bill Fralic of the Atlanta Falcons in his 1st Mania, The Iron Sheik in his 2nd Mania, Bruno Sammartino in his 1 and only Mania, William “The Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in his 1st Mania, Big John Studd in his 2nd Mania, Russ Francis of the San Francisco 49ers in his 1st Mania, Jim Neidhart in his 1st Mania, Bret Hart in his 1st Mania, and Andre The Giant in a yellow speedo in his 2nd Mania. Alright, we have all the players! There’s honestly not much to say here. This is pretty slow and there aren’t a lot of interesting spots. The best spot of the match is when Big John Studd eliminates Fridge, who offers a handshake and pulls him out. That’s fun! This match also throws away the NFL vs WWF concept since the final 3 are Andre, Bret, and Neidhart. Andre eliminates the heel tag team to win since he’s the battle royal guy. It was cool to see Bret here. But it’s weird that The Hart Foundation are wearing blue and black. This is also the only Mania for WWF legends Bruno Sammartino and Pedro Morales, which is crazy to think about. Bruno’s prime was decades before the first WrestleMania. This is more fascinating to look back at than anything else.

Back in New York, Vince and Susan are talking to Roddy Piper. Piper gets racist about Mr. T’s hair again and then flirts with Susan. I’m getting sick of the weird racist bits of Piper’s character.

Back in Chicago, Mean Gene is with Jim Cobertt who says he was robbed tonight. Okay. Then The Iron Sheik shows up and says “Wrestler is better than football” That’s right!

Match #8- WWF Tag Team Championships- The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine)/w Johnny Valiant vs The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid)/w Ozzy Osbourne and Lou Albano

This is a really solid match and one of the 2 matches you’ll hear people praise from this show. Dynamite and Davey really steal the show here. Dynamite is crazy athletic and really ahead of his time with his offense. Davey Boy’s power moves are so impressive. I think Vince always saw Davey as a future singles guy. They focus on him a lot here. Beefcake usually annoys me, but he sells okay here to put the Bulldogs over. The finish is pretty wild since it’s just Davey Boy ramming Valentine’s head into Dynamite’s head and then he pins him for the win. This seemingly kills Dynamite since him and Davey sit outside for a bit while Ozzy and Albano hold the belts up. That is a hilarious visual. Ozzy gets mic time where he yells “British Bulldogs Forever!!!” and then presumably sends the BBC a letter defending genocide right after. The Bulldogs finally get in the ring and Davey Boy says he’s staying in the United States. Gorilla Monsoon is so happy. Also before I forget this is the 1st Mania for Davey and Dynamite and the 2nd for Beefcake and Valentine.

Vince and Susan send us to Los Angeles for the last 3rd of WrestleMania 2. And honestly this is the best portion of the show. On commentary we have Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira??? Hell yeah! I dated someone who really liked Elvira and me liking her kinda stuck because she rules. Also she is by far the best guest announcer because she clearly gets wrestling even if she’s not a fan.

Match #9- Hercules Hernandez vs Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

1st Mania for Hercules and 2nd for The Steamer. This is not a bad match. Elvira aligns with Jesse to be more heelish on commentary, which rocks. BUT the audio is really bad for the Los Angeles portion and it really annoyed me. Hercules is not a wrestler I think about a lot, but he is way better than I remember. He has some great physicality that makes him the perfect heel for a face like Steamboat. He works Steamboat for a while until Steamboat makes a fiery comeback with some chops and a decent crossbody for the win. This is not an amazing match but it’s one of the better ones you’re getting from this show.

Match #10- “Adorable” Adrian Adonis/w Jimmy Hart vs Uncle Elmer

1st Mania for both men here. Elmer gets a weird pop here. What are you excited about? This is nothing. The best part is when Hayes calls Elmer’s attempt at a leg drop a splash. Adonis does hit a splash for the win. Stop wasting my time!

Lord Alfred Hayes is with Hulk Hogan. Hogan looks kind of high here. Maybe it’s because this is the show where he snitched on Jesse Ventura for trying to start a union for wrestlers. He talks about Hulkamania like it’s a religion and says he feels sorry for Bundy.

Match #11- Terry and Hoss Funk/w Jimmy Hart vs The Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana

1st Mania for the Funks and 2nd for JYD and Tito. This is the match of the night. Everyone plays their role perfectly. Terry is the ruthless heel using every dirty tactic to take down the babyfaces, Hoss Funk is the…hoss who is tougher than the brave babyfaces. Tito is the babyface in peril who keeps fighting and JYD is the hot tag whose energy and connection to the crowd should be enough to win. It is not though. This match ends because Tito tries to take it to Hoss while JYD and Terry are the legal men, which causes the ref to kick him out of the ring and of course Terry Funk uses Jimmy Hart’s megaphone behind the ref’s back to get the win. Not this way! Honestly, go watch this match it’s so underrated. There’s also a part of this match where you can hear a fan yell “Go back to the NWA” at Terry, which is great and he should because it’s better. Also if you’re wondering who Hoss Funk is, he’s Dory Funk Jr. Dory is 84 years old today and his most recent match was last year. Jesus Christ.

This was before Dusty Rhodes came up with the idea to lower the cage, so we have to bullshit for a bit while the cage is built for the main event. We see Hogan training with Hillbilly Jim for some reason. Jesse Ventura talks to Bobby Heenan and King Kong Bundy. Heenan is ready to start carrying around the WWF title and Bundy wants to send Hogan back to the hospital.

Match #12- WWF Championship Steel Cage Match- Hulk Hogan vs King Kong Bundy/w Bobby Heenan

To start this match, Hogan climbs the cage and rips his shirt off while on top of it which is actually a cool visual. Hogan has his ribs taped up and the story here is that Hogan is hurt and Bundy is a monster. This is the 2nd Mania for both men. I remember this match being awful but it’s…fine? Hogan cannot overpower Bundy so he has to use the cage to his advantage while Bundy punishes his ribs. Eventually Hogan Hulks up, no sells an Avalanche, and climbs out of the cage to win. Oh yeah, for some reason the WWF decided escaping the cage is a good rule for a cage match. Ugh. Hogan then chases Heenan around, brings him into the cage and throws him into it head first, busting him open. I love Heenan and hate Hogan but its good for the heel manager to get beaten up. This is probably the highest height Bundy achieves in wrestling. This should not have been the main event of WrestleMania. I think Piper or Funk were such obvious opponents for Hogan here. He’s just not at his best against monster heels.

Vince and Susan say goodbye to us one last time.

This show is very lame. There’s really only one match you need to go out of your way to see. It’s mostly a sloppily thrown together card with a lot of celebrity nonsense and filler. I don’t love WrestleMania 1 but this is such a clear step down. I don’t have much else to say here. See you next week and fuck Hulk Hogan.